 |
| Frodo at the Grey Havens |
To be honest, I shouldn't say "that time of year." I should say "one of the times of year." I watch Lord of the Rings constantly and endlessly. One could say I grew up in Middle Earth. My dad started reading Tolkien to me when I was five years old, the first movie came out when I was 10 and I was hooked ever since. I learned the languages and memorized the scripts. I related most to the character Arwen and her love for Aragorn. I let it seep into me at a core level. As I grew older, the movies started meaning different things to me, or more like I would focus on different parts at different times. Sometimes it would be Sam and his devotion to Frodo that would touch me most. Sometimes it would be Eowyn's bravery in battle facing the Nazgul King. And eventually, I was hit by the sheer rawness of Frodo's story and how it describes perfectly the human condition. We all start out innocent in our own little bubbles like Frodo in the Shire...and then we go through a journey - partly with people and partly within ourselves. We struggle and we face obstacles we never thought we would. Life gives us much. But it also takes pieces of us away that we never learned to value until they were gone.
Frodo, like all of us, bears a great burden. He has a heavy quest. And though others stand by him, know his mission and risk their lives to help him achieve it, his burden is the closest to him. He is fearsomely attached to it and he alone carries the full understanding of it. How many of us often feel like we bear the weight of the world on our shoulders? I know I do. Sometimes I lie on my bed, think about all I've been through and can't handle it. How could I love so deeply and then walk away? How can I reconcile that in my heart? How in one year could not only my parents separate, but a loved one I cherished and looked up to pass away only a few short weeks after another death in the family? I was depressed and tired at the time and it felt like a heavy burden that others wanted to understand and really were there for me, but it was so hard to explain. Why did I lash out? Because the hurt was consuming me. I couldn't think straight. In some ways I felt like Arwen still, but I began to relate, as we all eventually do, to Frodo. Because it's my belief that Tolkien intended Frodo's struggle to represent the internal struggle of humanity.
But Frodo couldn't have gotten anywhere with Sam. Many people believe that Frodo and Sam's relationship has romantic undertones. And it very well could. But the way I see it, their relationship could be used to represent any strong relationship, romantic or not. Because to me, their relationship represents the ideal close relationship. Frodo and Sam get bitter. They don't always understand one another. They have moments where they turn around and give up. They also have their own missions and personal quests to accomplish. But consistently, they are bonded through the common goal of living, through saving the world and through loyalty. I am so lucky to have had many Sams in my life and also to have been Sam for many others. I have had friends who have stood by me through my best and worst times - who have been able to see my core even when I am drastically changing. I have had people walk beside me and even while knowing I have a burden, not ask too much, not take on too much - just be there. Because they didn't make it about them. I have loved some people so much that sometimes the mere thought of them wells up emotion inside of me and infuriates me, but I've done the hard thing for them when push comes to shove. I've put them first. I've shoved aside whatever complications I have so that I could be there - so that they could be there. So that we could be as we are supposed to be. Lord of the Rings may be epic and scaled up, but true friendship and true bonds are just as epic. Because life...though we don't see it all the time, is an immense journey, as complicated and full of intensity as any legendary story.
Some people I have met have a hard time recognizing that they need people. Others have a hard time realizing that they have an alliance with just themselves that no one else will ever have. I'm somewhere in the middle and probably everyone else, though they may fall towards one end on the surface, is too. I don't often give others enough credit for their loyalty and I do have issues trusting that people can and will truly love the real me without my pushing, trying or constantly proving myself. However, I also am not quite sure how to handle my struggles within in a way that makes me feel loyal to myself. At the end of Lord of the Rings, Frodo knows that he has to go to the Grey Havens even if it means leaving some of his most treasured people behind. I don't know what I need. Or what is best for me. I do try to figure it out and am getting closer. But even self-awareness comes at a price. Once you realize something deep, it's hard to shake it off, even if it means letting go of things that you really don't want to lose.
Part of the reason I love Lord of the Rings so much now is because it depicts true companionship and camaraderie while also focusing in on each of the characters' personal journeys. Sam supports Frodo, but he also learns to view himself as a hero as great as any of the people to whom he initially bowed down. Eowyn is loyal to her father and brother, but she also rises up against her kingdom's expectations to become a hero in battle. Merry and Pippin both grow from jovial children to vital players on the battlefield. And of course Aragorn has a close and touching alliance with both Legolas and Gimli, but he alone has the weighty decision of whether or not to take up his fate as King of Gondor. All these plots, including and mainly Frodo's, show the important balance between letting others in on our journeys through life while recognizing the significance of our own personal callings. What of ourselves do we sacrifice for others? And what of others' feelings do we set aside for ourselves? It's hard to tell in each situation and I tend to swing back and forth between extremes like a pendulum. But I do hope that going forward, I can explore the balance further and help others do the same.
Tolkien says quite clearly: "Not all those who wander are lost." But I'll take it even further, saying that to wander is our condition. We will always wander and we will always change. The best part is that we really don't have to wander alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment