I've actually never come to Le Pain Quotidien to work. I didn't even know it wifi or that people work here. All of my involvements here have been lunch, dinner or coffee dates. Usually I'm more of a dive shop type girl, but there is something to be said about working to my own choice of music on headphones with a nicer than usual cider in hand.
What I find about my working at coffee shops is that things that took two weeks to get done at home get done in a matter of minutes. I don't have a particular diagnosis for why that is. I have the same access to materials at home. Maybe it's just that I don't want people in coffee shops to creep on what Netflix show I'm watching and therefore avoid television altogether.
That's not to say I don't have distractions. There's been a lot on my mind today - things that people have said to me in the past that randomly emerged from my subconscious on the subway, my desire to forgo drinking for a few days, how annoyingly fun and necessary it is to have crushes in the fall...
Well let's start with things people have said to me. It's actually one specific thing. And I was on the subway when I remembered. About a year ago - last fall - somebody I cared about told me that I had screwed (not exactly language but bear with me) him up. I had forgotten about that. But I guess God felt it was time that I remember. Of course, that's feedback nobody wants to hear. It's jarring and it feels like a slap in the face, especially coming from someone whom I really wanted to help and who I feel like I did. The thing is though, it is a bit of a relief to remember. The reason for that is that if someone really believes that you screwed them up, they are the type of person who is incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions and that's someone who will always find a reason to blame you over and over again. I don't have the power to screw anyone up or the ability to hold the weight of that statement. Sure, my actions do have the power to positively or negatively affect someone, but in the context of a longwinded, complicated relationship, anyone's actions would naturally do both throughout. As much as I understand why I blocked said statement out of my memory, I do believe that I can handle it now. If I had the power to really screw someone up, I'd also have the power to save them. Turns out, I have neither.
As for forgoing drinking for an undetermined amount of time, that's mainly because I've been getting sick the day after a big night out. However, it's a good cleanse in general and a good reminder not to be too reliant on anything. Drinking is fun, but it's nice to know that I don't have to - that I can still see friends, be social and be happy while sipping diet coke. Plus, as a side benefit, I start craving sweets more!
And as for fall crushes, you're pretty out of line if you think I'm going to tell you. :P
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